- On June 3, 2015
Our mind is inherently selfish. This is something that is part of the human being, and with the passing of years this has become increasingly worse. We see so called “relationship experts” driving home the message that you have to see what you can get out of a relationship and making people respect you and love you, but you hardly see anyone talking about giving more of yourself.
This has created a mentality where individuals in a marriage only complain about each other if they are not getting exactly what they want, but are very resistant should something be brought to their attention that they need to change.
I remember a few years back a husband was complaining that his wife rejected him every time he wanted to be intimate with her. But when we tried to help them through counselling, it surfaced that he was cold, insensitive, rude, and a bunch of other negative adjectives throughout the day, and then he wanted her to just flip a switch when it came to having sex. He didn’t understand that the care and consideration throughout the day was a build up to their time together.
Although the above is just an example, this is the kind of thing we have seen destroying relationships at wild fire rate.
Perhaps this will make you understand this better. In the years I have been working with Helena helping couples, I have never had anyone coming to us saying: “James, I am a selfish wife and want to make my husband happier.” Or: “I need help. How can I make my wife feel more loved and appreciated.” Usually, couples come to us because their other half is doing something wrong.
Imagine if the husband/wife would spend the whole day thinking of how he/she could make the other person even happier… If we could instil this mentality in couples just as the world has instilled the selfish and self-seeking one, we would be generating a new breed of marriages. Marriages that even though have their hiccups, they grow in strength and love, and make other couples look at them in admiration.
If you are in a relationship, give yourself a task this month – Give something to your spouse every day. We are not talking about something material… Give them the time you used to give to your video games, the admiration for their qualities through your words, the love you only remember to give when you are in bed, etc. Do this every day, but without expecting anything in return. The return will be as natural as the course of nature in its infinite perfection.