- On May 28, 2015
It’s a funny thing how we tend to think that we can be self-taught with many things in life. And indeed we can. But this can also be the a terrible way to create bad habits that will be very difficult to get rid off, just because no one is teaching us as we go along. We start doing things we think are right but aren’t, and since no one is correcting us we keep this as gospel. And unknowingly to us, we start creating problems that can become real cancers in our lives.
This is the rule of thumb in marriages: Most couples jump into marriage and they are expected to just learn things by themselves as they go along. And almost no one ever thinks of asking for help when things start to go wrong until it’s too late. In most cases, what they saw others doing in their respective relationships, even if that was wrong, is what they practice daily. So all the bad stuff of that came from the parents marriage, the self confessed counselors who are thrice divorced and couldn’t get their own advice to work for themselves, becomes that medicine that never really works.
One of the things that I have learnt after quite some time of being married is to solve my problems by reasoning things with my wife rather than doing things that I thought were right. The mistake of not doing this earlier wasn’t because of pride or anything similar, but just because I fell into the same mistakes that everybody makes of thinking that I could “learn on the job” as it were.
Even though I had great examples around me of people who had successful marriages, I still felt my way through trying to solve any problems that would creep up. The problems I had always came back sooner or later.
Perhaps the most important thing I learnt was to solve my problems in my marriage, as you would in a business or company. That’s right! Remove all the emotion from the equation and be practical and intelligent about things.
Learn to discuss calmly any issues or problems you have with your partner ALWAYS WITH A COOL HEAD. Aim at the solution of that situation and not at who will win the argument or who is wrong or right. And make sure you talk about what is upsetting you, and what the solution would be.
I know we men are not great at the talking thing, but it is something we can definitely learn.